my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
