so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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