we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
