would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
nutella sex= disaster
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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