I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
