He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
