just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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