my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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