Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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