why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
