Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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