So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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