3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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