i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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