I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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