I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
