I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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