Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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