i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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