i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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