you would pick up someone in the library
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
