I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
