So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
