We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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