My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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