If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
