I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
