OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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