He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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