We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
its liver damage thursday
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
