If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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