Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
