So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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