before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
