im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
