i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
