She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
