Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
