All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
