yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
