while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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