She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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