Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
