I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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