I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
