you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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