glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
