hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
