she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
