but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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