i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
do nipples grow back?
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