roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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