ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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