I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
