it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
