so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
