Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
