dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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