WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
