I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
