my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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