Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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