dude i'm inner monologue high
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
