i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize