I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
