I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
