I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
