dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
