can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
