dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fill condoms, not promises.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
