Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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